Teenage years are a time of transition, growth and challenges for parents and children.
As they progress in school, they face new academic, social, and emotional pressures that can affect their well-being and behaviour. While this stage might feel perplexing and challenging for parents, they play a crucial role in helping their children transition from childhood to adulthood.
Parents often find it hard to understand and connect with their teenagers, who may seem distant, rebellious, and unnecessarily moody.
However, effective communication is arguably the most effective strategy to help parents navigate the teenage years and support their children’s development.
Most parents understand and value the importance of effective communication, but making effective communication happen is easier said than done for many parents.
The first thing to consider is that high school represents a significant change for teenagers, who must deal with more complex and demanding coursework, higher expectations, and increased competition amidst new friendships and social environments.
They must make important decisions about their future, such as what subjects to take, what career to pursue, and university choice.
These decisions can cause constant stress and anxiety for teenagers, who may feel overwhelmed or uncertain about their choices.
Some teenagers may experience bullying, harassment, or discrimination from classmates, teachers, or online. They may also face temptations to engage in risky behaviours, such as smoking, drinking, or using drugs.
High school can also affect teenagers’ emotional development as they go through hormonal changes, mood swings and identity issues. It is, therefore, important for parents to understand their children’s well-being and that they often feel isolated, misunderstood or unsupported by their parents, who may not know how to deal with
their emotional needs.
However, building an environment characterised by strategic communication is essential for parents to help their teenagers cope with the challenges and foster a a positive and trusting relationship with them.
Constructive communication requires one to make attempts to understand the teenagers’ current language of communication, which is very dynamic.
Striving to understand your teenagers better is no guarantee of no misunderstandings but rather an assurance of better collaboration and accommodation of their ecosystems, which are often a surprise.
As parents and teenagers navigate their trends, heroes, pains and perceptions, you are bound to have an improved understanding of each other. In addition, you get an opportunity to hear each other out, lead in setting a standard as the parent, and build trust and respect for each other.
The conflicts will continue, but they will be easier to resolve. You want to be the first person your teen contacts when they are facing difficult decisions and situations.
Developing practical communication skills is a marathon, not a race, but consistently being aware of the benefits will ultimately reward both parent and child.
Always choose a good time and place to talk when you and your teenager are calm, relaxed, and free from distractions.
Use open-ended questions like “How was your day?” or “What are you interested in?” to invite your teenager to share their thoughts and feelings.
Employ positive feedback, like praise, appreciation, or encouragement, to acknowledge your teenager’s achievements and efforts.
It is essential to compromise and negotiate to resolve conflicts or disagreements without imposing or giving in.
Ensure you express empathy and compassion to show your support and understanding for your teenager’s challenges and emotions while listening with intention, allowing your teen to have your full attention and hold back on criticism.
Allow them to have an opinion and ask sensitive questions if you disagree.
This is a continuous process that requires patience, practice and perseverance. The more you communicate consistently and effectively with your teenager, the more you will strengthen your relationship and enhance your teenager’s social, academic, and personal development journey.
By Jenny Coetzee, Managing Director at Crawford International School Kenya and Nelly Omino, Principal at Makini Cambridge
