Once upon a time, love was a slow build. People dated, courted, introduced families, and only after long seasons of waiting did they finally settle down. Fast forward to the 21st century, and things look very different. Our generation is in the fast lane, moving in together after a few dates, tying the knot after months, or even skipping the traditional marriage altogether.
For many young people, “come we stay” is no longer scandalous. It’s normal. But with that shift has come another reality: relationships and marriages that crumble just as fast as they begin.
I’ve been watching this trend play out, both online and offline, and I wanted to understand it better.
So, over the course of a week, I asked 50 young people in Nairobi whether they still believe in forever and why they think so many couples their age are breaking apart.
Their answers point to a shifting landscape of love where empowerment, social media, high expectations, and modern pressures all collide.
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Rushing Without Knowing Each Other
Many young people confessed that relationships move too fast. It starts with vibes, chemistry, and fun, then before long, people are living together or even raising a child together.
But as one respondent explained: “We don’t ask the serious questions. We just flow. Then later we realize we’re not on the same page about money, family, goals, values or long term compatibility. By then, it’s too late to salvage the relationship, and the only solution is to break-up”.
The lack of groundwork means small cracks quickly become major fractures.
2. The Empowered Woman
One of the biggest shifts in modern relationships is the empowered woman. She is educated,
financially independent, and clear about her priorities. She knows her worth and will not stay in spaces that silence her or hold her back.
But empowerment doesn’t always sit easily within relationships. Some men feel these women set standards that are too high or carry themselves in ways that make men feel displaced. Others say they are too strong-willed or unwilling to “submit.”
Feeling “unheard” or “out of place” can make some men disengage. They stop communicating, stop showing affection, or even leave the relationship altogether.
From the woman’s perspective, empowerment is not about overshadowing her partner; it’s about being accepted as she is. She wants a man who values her skills, appreciates her career, and understands why she pursues it. She wants someone who encourages her growth and helps her move to the next level, not one who feels threatened by her progress.
If she senses that her presence, her achievements, or even her wealth are treated as a threat, she is quick to walk away. For the empowered woman, staying in such a relationship feels like shrinking herself, and that is no longer an option.
3. The Pressure of Social Media
Social media has redefined how love looks and feels. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok flood timelines with curated images of luxury dates, elaborate proposals, and expensive gifts. These displays create silent expectations that many partners cannot realistically meet.
The constant comparisons make people feel that their relationships are lacking. When reality falls short of the online fantasy, couples often question whether they are with the right person. This pressure becomes a silent wedge that erodes relationships from within.
4. Walking Away Too Quickly
Another factor is the culture of leaving at the first sign of trouble. Modern narratives encourage people to walk away immediately if something “isn’t working.” Ikikataa, achana nayo,. Form ni kuoga na kurudi soko!
While this protects individuals from toxic relationships, it also reduces patience for small challenges that could be resolved with communication.
The result is a fragile sense of commitment. Even minor disagreements or struggles are treated as deal-breakers, making it harder for relationships to survive natural ups and downs.
5. The Lost Intentionality of Men
A group of women told me something that stuck: “Men today don’t chase.” They feel men are less romantic, less consistent, and less willing to take leadership in relationships.
Some even said men have become passive, waiting for women to do the heavy lifting, emotionally and financially.
It may not be true for everyone, but the perception alone is enough to shift how women approach relationships. When they feel men are not serious, they are quicker to leave.
6. Lack of Communication
Another reason that stood out is the simple but powerful issue of communication, or rather, the lack of it. Many couples struggle to talk openly about their feelings, fears, or expectations.
Partners bottle up frustrations, avoid difficult conversations, or assume the other person should “just know.” Small misunderstandings then snowball into major conflicts. Instead of sitting down to talk through the issues, one or both partners walk away.
And while communication challenges are not unique to young couples, even older marriages face the same problem, the difference is that younger couples are less likely to endure in silence. When communication breaks down, they are quicker to end things altogether.
7. When Love Becomes Transactional
A growing number of young relationships today feel more like transactions than partnerships. It is not just about love or companionship anymore; it is also about what each person brings to the table , money, lifestyle, opportunities, or even social media status.
For some, the relationship becomes a way to secure financial stability or elevate one’s image. For others, it is about having a partner who can match a certain lifestyle. But the danger with this approach is that love takes a back seat. When the “benefits” fade or are no longer enough, the relationship quickly unravels.
This transactional mindset makes it harder to build lasting bonds. It shifts focus from building together to calculating what one is getting. And once the math doesn’t add up, the easiest option is to walk away.
A Reality Check, Not Just Negativity
Of course, not all the stories are negative. Some of the young people I spoke to shared that their relationships are thriving. They credit honesty, communication, and shared values as their anchors.
The challenge is that happy couples don’t trend. They’re quieter, less visible, overshadowed by the noise of messy breakups. That skews the perception that all modern love is doomed.
What Forever Means Now
After listening to all these voices, I came to one conclusion: forever still exists. But it looks different now. It’s not about endurance at all costs, like in our parents’ time. It’s about two people intentionally choosing each other every day, despite the noise around them.
Modern love asks for balance. Women must hold their empowerment with grace, men must step up with responsibility, and both must resist the urge to measure themselves against social media fantasies. Above all, couples must slow down and ask the hard questions before jumping in.
But maybe that’s not the whole story. Maybe we are simply rewriting what love looks like in our generation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But at its core, love has not changed, it’s still about two people, choosing each other, again and again.
